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So you probably know all the story, how I lived in Bali for the last four moths, and when I wanted to go back home to the only one that meant home for me, my boyfriend, he decided that it’s better to go our separate ways. Well, it was true, and this way for me, meant continuing my dream, following my wanderlust, in India.
So here I am, since one month ago, travelling around Kerala, and living the experiences I have dreamed about, visiting ashrams, secluded villages and pampering my body, mind and soul in ayurvedic resorts. The perfect way to get over a breakup 😛
Since the moment you become conscious of synchronicity and the forces of the Universe that are connecting events, you observe how interesting everything is happening. Sometimes maybe you don’t like the way things are connecting, but it’s the way it is supposed to be, and if you oppose it, probably it will be more painful.
I have spent the last two weeks in an ashram in Kerala, called Amritapuri, home of the famous female guru Amma, the hugging mother. It is my first ashram experience in India, and I loved it. Even though I was in the middle of 3000 people, I felt that I was there only with myself, only with my mind and with my emotions. And yes, it was hard, but if was also healing, I discovered that I can be alone and it’s not that bad. I rediscovered my beautiful self, without relating myself to any boyfriend, friend or family member.
The ashram offered me the perfect environment to spend some relaxing, quality time, meditating at every sunrise and sunset, doing selfless service, writing, reading and practicing yoga. So it also helped me to heal a part of the pain that I was left with after the breakup. It’s not easy to know that the person that you shared your last 8 years, is no longer there.
Since I was in Bali, different people kept telling me: “from the ashram to Alleppey, you should take the boat, because it’s a very beautiful ride on Kerala Backwaters”. But the ride is 5 hours long, on a boat, I am not a fan of boats so I ignored the advice. In my mind was something like this, “what if I don’t like it ?! I have to sit there for 5 hours without being able to get out:))”
But as the departure day was approaching, more and more people kept telling me randomly that I should take the boat, not the car. So the day before, I told myself, I will do this exactly because something inside me is afraid. So I canceled my taxi and the next day at 1 PM I was on a boat to Alleppey.
The scenery was beautiful, mirror like water, palm trees, fishing boats and wild birds. I thought to myself, look what you were afraid about, this is so beautiful. But guess what’s next, after 30 minutes on the boat, I opened my phone and I had a Facebook Message. It was from a former very good friend of mine, that was kindly letting me know that she is dating my boyfriend, ex-boyfriend. Heart stab, numbness, blood leaving my body, and all these amazing feelings. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced. It was the third one, I know exactly.
The rest of the trip was an emotional roller coaster. I have experienced it all, from a panic attack to desperate crying, from peace and acceptance to joy, from numbness to pain, pure emotional pain. Our story was now different, our reasons for the breakup were different, he was different.
And the best part was that, after all this emotional trip, I have arrived in the perfect place, where I am pampering my body, mind and soul, a place where I am being taken care of and cherished. In the moment I stepped inside the Ayurvedic Resort, I felt so blessed. Even though there are also difficult steps, doesn’t mean that something amazing is not waiting at the next one.
Now, the emotional process is ongoing, with a lot of sadness but also with a lot of reflexion and ego training. Because in these kinds of situations, most of the pain comes from the ego. So maybe this is what I need to experience, here and now, in order to get over my it.